SPIRITUAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL DANGERS OF PRE-MARITAL SEX
We shall consider the dangers of pre-marital sex to both boys and girls. Some people think only the girls are affected, that is not true.
Students should concentrate on their studies and develop healthy relationships with the opposite sex. It is not morally right for any single girl or boy to become a parent as a student, therefore, students are advised to abstain from unhealthy relationships. Many school girls had been deceived by boys with ‘sweet’ and enticing words. One day I was holding an academic seminar with a group of school boys and girls of secondary school age and few university undergraduates. I asked them some of those enticing but deceitful words that can make the heads of the girls to spin. I heard words like:
- You are my only angel.
- You are the sugar in my tea.
- The butter on my bread.
- The apple of my eyes.
- The cockroach in my cupboard. etc.
One wonders why such useless words are appealing to young ones. Young girls, be warned! Those same enticing words had been spoken to several girls over the years, and had destroyed their brilliant future.
When girls are deceived that way, unfortunately many had become victims of unwanted pregnancies. When the boys who are said to be responsible for the pregnancies are confronted, the first reaction is to deny it, and those who might agree that they had sex with the girls would insist that they were many that slept with a specific girl for instance, and so she can not lay claim on any individual. For some of the girls, that terminated their studies, because the parents might be so offended that they would not allow them to return to school. In other cases the girls would be full of shame and guilt and would refuse to return to school even after delivering the babies. Some girls would opt for abortion of the foetuses, some survived the trauma, others were not fortunate enough to have successful operation because they died in the process. Some other girls who thought the abortion was successful found out later in life especially when they became married women that they could not conceive again, because of the damage that was already caused to their reproductive organs by the abortion that took place several years back, and it can also result in frequent miscarriages. So be warned!s were subjected to frequent miscarriages. They found out that if t
He aThere was a young girl who had lived a wreckless life sexually, had several abortions which eventually affected her womb. She was conscious of that crisis but she refused to tell her husband- to- be, before and after the wedding. After waiting for a number of years in marriage and she could not conceive, they went to seek medical advice. The medical doctor checked both of them and after few times of check-up he found out that the lady’s womb had actually been removed. “Madam, are you aware of this development?” The doctor asked and she replied in the affirmative. “Have you ever discussed this with your husband that you have no womb again?” She said “No.” The doctor told her that the husband must be informed about the crisis.
Enough of deception! After the husband was told, he felt the wife had cheated on him by deceiving him to marry her without the knowledge of her state, and that led to the dissolution of the marriage. There was another case where the woman’s womb had been removed due to fibroids, and when she told the man who wanted to marry her, the man still loved her all the same, and they got married, believing that God still performs miracles even in this age. Few years after the wedding, she got her first baby.
On the part of the school boys many of them will deny responsibility for the pregnancies out of fear, but later in life, the children that were born out of such illicit relationships are sent to their actual fathers by the grand-parents of such girls so that their daughters could marry legally. The resultant effect is that such children become problems to the established homes as the wives were never aware of the existence of such children. Sometimes such children out of frustration go out and join bad gangs, some others become street boys. So be careful and live responsibly!
Parents should provide sex education for their male and female children. I realise that in some cultures it is almost a “taboo” to talk to children about the subject of sex, but this has not helped the younger generation much. The young ones are the ones that become adults, they should be prepared for adult life. When a girl sees her mother dressing up and she is using a sanitary pad, she may likely ask, “Mummy what are you doing?” Some mothers will shout at the child, “Close your eyes, what are you looking at?”
That is the right time to explain to the child what is called menstruation and the menstrual cycle, so that by the time she reaches puberty, she would have been adequately prepared to face that new phase of life. One sees some school girls sometimes with their dresses stained with blood. It is because the mothers or even the fathers have not taught them what to do. It does not matter also if it is a male child that asks the question. It is obvious that one day, he will likely see one of his sisters dressing, and he will not be shocked, and when he grows up and gets married, he will be familiar already with the world of women.
The girl child is a special gift of God, and should be cared for properly. Many female children get into trouble because parents never warned them about the dangers that attend their nature as females. Cases of rapes in some cases are traced to male family members such as uncles, cousins, nephews, brothers etc and sometimes sad to say, fathers. Children should be educated about how to relate in healthy ways with the opposite sex, and teach them to report incidents that confuse them. Teach the male child what evils can come out from lusting after girls, house-girls inclusive. It pays off at the end of the day.
What are the effects of sexual abuse?
Victims of Sexual abuse are usually bedevilled with guilt and shame. It is always difficult for them to share the sad experience with anyone, not even their mothers. It is not only female children that suffer abuse, some male children do suffer abuse in the hands of house-girls or bigger boys who would easily bully them to do what they want to do which could be through the anus. It is sad to note that such terrible acts happen to young children, but unfortunately they keep mute. One may think that the evil is over, but later in life the feeling of guilt and shame sets in, and this may affect them from establishing and enjoying healthy relationship.
A girl who had suffered sexual abuse may grow up to hate men generally, her male siblings inclusive, because she sees every male specie as a potential abuser. Such girls may find it difficult to love any man enough as to enter into any marriage relationship. When such happens, abused girls discuss terrible things about marriage so as to dull their minds towards marriage consideration.
If a girl jumps from one boy to the other, she will find out later in life that she cannot truly love her husband, because she has distributed several parts of herself to different men, this is what is called soul-ties. The marriage may end up in a divorce. It will take prayer of deliverance to be free from such bondage. Why must you destroy your beautiful future with momentary pleasures of sin? Don’t allow any boy or man have sex with you until you get married, whenever you make yourself cheap, the boys play with you and dumps you, and what is the result? Your heart breaks. A broken heart cannot be mended easily. There have been cases of girls and ladies who experienced broken relationships and unfortunately they developed mental crises. If you have kept yourself pure, if you have refused to have sex with any boy before the wedding day, if he decides to call off the relationship, the pain of separation may be less because you never allowed him to have sex with you. Protect your future.
Another danger has to do with contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) e.g. Gonorrhoea, Syphillis, HIV/AIDS etc. Such diseases may lead to permanent damages or even death as in the case of HIV/AIDS. (Acquired Immune Deficiency syndrome).
If a girl gets pregnant and has a child as a secondary school student, the chance to marry a responsible young man in future becomes slim. Everybody will be calling her “after One” meaning she already has one child and some men will feel discouraged to ask for her hand in marriage.
Also a child that is born out of wedlock is called a bastard, and the future husband may not allow the child to come into the family. The child may grow up full of bitterness and may turn out to become a street boy living under the bridge. In extreme cases the boy may attempt to kill the mother, because he feels frustrated, and the question on his mind may be, “Why did you bring me to the world when you know you will not take care of me?” So be warned!